Have you ever had a photo pop up in your memories that hits you like a ton of freaking bricks? Well I did last week. It was a post from 2015 being the anniversary of my hysterectomy photos. It was like a knife to the dang gut. Man I was lean! It also came at a time where I am really having to think about losing my last ovary. Am I still a girl if internally I have no anatomy of one? I mean my boobs are fake so they don’t even count!
First step: Acknowledge what happened.
I have bitten off more than I can chew. I know that, it’s a bad habit of mine. I became a trainer to be training people! Yet, somehow I am teaching 6 classes a week spending more energy on everyone else’s bodies and less and less on my own. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my classes, I LOVE the people I get to interact with because of them and I 99.999% of the time have fun doing it. However, again the more I teach the less energy I have for my body. I can train all day long and still lift. I cannot teach 2 classes and get in a adequate session on myself without eating 2,500 calories consisting mostly of coffee creamer and carbs! In the 2015 photo I was only at 2 classes a week. On top of that, there is the mom life.. 2 boys, 2 PTA’s (um if you think that isn’t time consuming give it a shot), football, archery, LAUNDRY (why does it never end?), and 14-21 days of being the only parent in my household at a time. It’s taken a toll. I haven’t even had time to write, which makes me super sad because this is one of my favorite outlets.
Recently I turned a trip to Kentucky which was 3-4 of on the road eating into my mother-in-law passing away to kid turning 15, holiday weekend, trip to pack up her stuff, HUGE EMOTIONAL DRAMA, trip for funeral, and a weekend trip to try and bring life back into order. (That last part really did help. Being out in the woods with nothing but thoughts and coffee really does seem to calm the crazy.) So I turned that one trip into a month long shitfest of crap! I either didn’t eat at all or ate everything in sight. I am a go big or go home type of girl obviously. The worst part here is this is my job so I 100% know what I am doing isn’t doing anything productive.
Now to fix it:
I wallowed in my pity party for a few days. To be honest I am still wallowing but I have at least been productive in my misery. I had a friend asses me Friday morning. I went to target and bought a notebook to track all my activity and put my macro app back on my phone. I am working on making my own plan, my own way, and trying really really hard to shut out the voices in my head.
I am trying to lighten the load. This means giving up some classes. Yes I hate it, but I have to. On top of that I really want to start working towards my ISSA Master Trainer certification and I cannot do all of that with this schedule.
So here is my promise to myself: It’s okay to cry and get mad when life deals you a shitty hand but you don’t like to play poker anyway so move on. Drink the glass of wine, fit it into your macros first lol. Make more time to just sit and be you. In a driveway with the people you love or on the back porch with nothing but the sound of the annoying baby birds in the nest. Give 100% when it comes to your body and maybe 95% to everyone else 🙂 They won’t hate you if you skip out on the burpees.