Quick reference here:
- I am stubborn
- I am a trainer
- I do not like asking for help
- I HATE going to doctors, with Endo. I feel like I’ve been enough in one lifetime.
- Hate taking medication of any kind, I am horrible at even taking vitamins regularly.
So a few post ago I posted it was time for the summer shred down. Notice I never followed up with that. Well it’s part shame and embarrassment but it’s time to spill the beans. Normally I can cut out carbs and drop lbs. quickly but this time around it just wasn’t happening. I was training double time and getting zero results out of it. Which was in turn killing my motivation to continue to kill it. At the rate I was training you would think I would be mini Dana Linn Bailey (okay that’s a bit of an exaggeration but you get where I am heading) instead here I am my scale is continuing to fluctuate my clothes are starting not to fit.
When you wear compression pants daily and then try on your summer shorts it’s a bit of a shock that they don’t hold it all in like the yoga pants do! So I made an appointment with my gyno who was gone and the PA was ZERO HELP! In fact I left there thinking this is why I freaking hate doctors. She basically told me I am over 30 now so accept this “new normal” UM NO THANK YOU! Never accept someone else’s goals for you. I am fine with I am over 30 so it’s not as easy as it used to be but I will never settle with I CAN’T.
For the record, fluctuating 6 to 10 lbs. in a week is no ones normal. I understand that time of the month but I am post hysterectomy so that isn’t an option. Also you can’t gain fat that quickly. If it moves that much it’s fluid not fat.
So it’s mid June and we are heading to the beach for a week and my scale is hanging out between 134-138. The heaviest it has been since I originally lost weight. My diet is on point, I am training 6-8 times a week and nothing I own fits. Welcome back depression I so didn’t miss you at all. My training and happy place a.k.a the gym has been tainted and I am now forcing myself to go. If I don’t have anyone to train with I just don’t go at all. I am a trainer, I know in my brain that all this is just going to add to the problem instead of help turn in around but at this point the darkness in my brain is winning. This friends is where you need someone in your life that can tell your stubborn ass to snap out of it. Like knock it off and find a way to fix it.
One blood test later and guess what I am not flipping crazy, I mean I am still a decent amount of crazy but I know my body and I knew something wasn’t right. I had low testosterone and my T3 was decently low too. I got a pellet testosterone injection, a water pill for my psycho retention and a low dose of thyroid medicine.
Two weeks later and I crawled on the scale to see it at 128! I sat on the floor and cried, reality I am still sitting here on the floor typing.
If you are reading this and thinking – what a B*&^% she is over there crying over almost weighing 140 and I am 4 times her size. I need to remind you that I have been in the 200 pound club and I do know what it feels like to be there and I work hard to not EVER be there again.
I also leave you with the excerpt from my new favorite blog!
Let me start by saying this: there will always be somebody who is better off than you, and somebody who is worse off than you. Let’s all stop for a second and acknowledge that although everybody has different body types, the feeling of being personally unsatisfied and self conscious about your body feels the same for everybody. It sucks. Being unhappy with your body feels as crappy for a size 4 woman, as it does for a size 14 woman, because feeling crappy… feels crappy. So if you’re reading this and thinking “Boo hoo, lady. I’ve never been a size 4 so how can you even complain?” do as I instructed all of my anti-induction friends in my previous post and poke yourself right in the eyeballs. (Side note: I haven’t been a size four since age four so I was obviously just using that size as an example).
So I guess the moral of my story is, IF (not until if) you have tried to everything on the right path for more than 5 weeks and nothing changes or the problem gets worse, then and only then am I going to say it’s time to see some help. Don’t expect quick changes, quick changes are not lasting changes. I am never one to run to a doctor for every little everything. I hate when people do that. Pumping medication into our bodies is being reactive to a problem that if you were proactive about in the first place probably wouldn’t have happened. However in this case, hormones aren’t something I can do a lot about on my own, the only good news was my estrogen levels were low but not low enough to be medicated. The little ovary that could is still alive! The last thing I want is another dang surgery to get it taken out already. I could have chose the quick fix and went with a Phentermine, a Xanax, and some Ambien but that would have been a band-aid to the underlying. Also lovers of the crack (phentermine- you’ve done it, I have done it.. it’s crack in a pill form) use for long term has damaging effects on your thyroids ability to generate efficiently. Killing your thyroid is a fast track to obesity. Funny how something give for weight-loss can eventually send you running in the other direction. I am not being Judge Judy over here I am just stating facts of long term usage.
Until next time