2011- Down from 200 to 150

Today has been 2 years since I underwent a Da Vinci Robotic hysterectomy. Arriving at that decision can be described as nothing less than giving up. I had spent the majority of my life fighting an up hill battle with my Endometriosis and female problems. After a long talk with my amazing doctor the option left on the table was quality over quantity. I had been miserable for so long that I just wanted my life back. Heck any life at all would be better than what I had been living. There were so many things that until I was on the other side of the issue I didn’t really even realize they were issues. Simple things like not sleeping with a heating pad, I had done if for years because by the end of a day I was so miserable in pain that it was the only way I could relax enough to fall asleep. I sure don’t miss mother nature stopping by for a visit, especially when she stayed for months on end like the most un-welcomed house guest ever (tried to keep that as male friendly as possible lol). Probably one of the most important of all of these is I am not 50 shades of miserable. For my husband’s sake I won’t publically elaborate on that but you get the point. Being an endo-sufferer (yes I probably made that word up) put such a strain on our physical relationship that I didn’t even realize existed until it wasn’t there anymore. I might also add that is as much for me as it is for him! The End on pillow talk!

So aside from the emotional trauma going on in my brain that I am 28 and while I had known for years that I couldn’t have children anymore this was the official end.. aka you failed as a female. I also have the fact that I had spent the last couple years of my life trying to lose weight and keep it off.  This lady just told me I have to sit on my butt for like 12 weeks. Oh that screams weight gain!

Coming home from the hospital and seeing this as my reflection was heartbreaking, nerve racking, and out right depressing.

My point in all of this, I did lose..I did gain weight.. I had physical and emotional set backs BUT WAIT.. I also picked myself up and moved on. I closed chapters, cried it out, eventually got a gym membership and the scale went back down. Had I not had that all happen I would not be here today. Yes, I lost and I failed but I also gained more confidence in myself that I ever imagine possible. It’s doesn’t take a whole lot to realize I have horrible self- esteem. In the last two years I have learned to love (not all but most of) my body. We have taken kids off the table, adoption and all. Some days that is still a hard pill to swallow but I really do have a great family and the older my kids have gotten the more we get to do stuff we really enjoy that you just don’t get to do with younger kids. Had we adopted a baby I never would have went through with this surgery, before and after I was so sick I couldn’t even take care of myself let alone 3 kids. So the life I get to enjoy now would have never happened had we gone down that road. Maybe someday that will change but today I am pretty happy with where we are. It’s never sunshine and roses, but it is what you make it to be. If I stay focused on the bad all I see is the bad. That is no way to live your life people!!

Day 2 & 4 Post-op

For my fellow endo sufferers: You are the only one who can decide when enough is enough. I do not regret this decision. I know nothing for us is 100% as there really isn’t a cure. For me, post hyster, having the right diet and proper exercise, keeps me 85% pain/symptom free. Find a doctor who is familiar with us, we tend to boggle minds to the average OB/GYN. Last but not least, ask lots of questions either from your doctors or from peers who have been down similar paths as you.

HE really doesn’t give you more than HE knows you can handle.

Everything does happen for a reason, you just may not be able to see the reasoning behind it at the moment.

Set backs are a part of everyone’s journey. Please don’t exit off the highway because you hit a speed bump.

Take it all in as part of your journey

Happy Reading-H